Many LGBTQ+ Americans plan to leave the country. What Would Happen If I Stayed?

By Oliver

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Many LGBTQ+ Americans plan to leave the country. What Would Happen If I Stayed

When I was four years old, my father’s job transferred him north, so he and my mother relocated our family to Canada for six years. While we were living there, they decided we should all become Canadian citizens.

I’m not sure what compelled my parents to go through the process of obtaining citizenship for all of us in a country we didn’t intend to stay in for long, but I’m glad they did. It’s always felt like a safety net to me, especially as anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment in the United States has grown.

Last summer, as the presidential election approached, my wife and I discussed frequently what it would be like if we decided to leave the country with our two children.

We understood, and continue to believe, that we are “protected” in New York, but when you are an LGBTQ+ family, it makes no difference where you live or how safe you feel: you must always have a plan.

After November 5, my plan was to cry. All the time. But I needed to prepare dinner for my children and do the laundry. I also had a deadline for an article I was writing, and I needed to contact my sources.

I have a professional acquaintance from the Midwest who, like me, is queer, married, and has two children. I had a particularly difficult time getting her on the phone for our early November interview. “I know this is a challenging time,” I replied, “just let me know when you’re free.” When I finally got to speak with her, she explained why she had been so busy.

It wasn’t just the exhausting aftermath of an election that devastated the queer community; she and her trans husband were relocating their family overseas.

I was impressed. I don’t know anyone in my queer community who hasn’t considered their own exit strategy in the aftermath of a Trump administration.

I also didn’t know anyone who was going ahead with it. Gina, who asked to keep her last name hidden for her family’s safety, told me, “I don’t want to live here feeling angry and hurt. It’s bad for my mental health to feel betrayed by people everywhere I go.

Gina and her husband put their house on the market right after the election, and it sold quickly. Then they had to deal with the difficult logistics of moving their family abroad. She explained that while planning was difficult, staying would be even more difficult.

“It’s difficult just to be in public. I look around, and I believe half of the people in this room voted to harm us, and they did so because they are either ignorant or hate us,” she stated.

Gina and her family are emotional about leaving their home, but they want to stay safe. “If we live somewhere where our rights are protected at a federal level, that might feel like a relief,” she told me.

The logistics of moving abroad

Gina introduced me to Jess Drucker, the founder of Rainbow Relocation, a national organization that “empowers queer folks and their families to move, live, and thrive aboard.” Drucker told me that she previously worked with individuals and families seeking an adventure abroad. In November, she was inundated with requests for assistance.

“The increase is definitely threat-based and fear-based,” she told me.

Drucker also informed me that she is working with trans people more than ever before. “That’s the group that feels most threatened and is in the midst of completing paperwork for gender markers, gender identity, and passports. “That’s much more complicated,” she explained.

When I asked which countries people were looking into, Drucker admitted, “I’m a bit of a dream-killer.”

“People are looking at the world as a buffet of country options,” she explained, but what they really need to think about is their own worth. If you are wealthy, you may want to consider a European Golden Visa, which provides foreign investors with a temporary residence permit in exchange for maintaining an investment – typically real estate – in the country.

Some countries provide temporary residence to highly skilled migrants, who are foreigners with advanced degrees or specialized professions who will contribute their skills to the country’s workforce.

“If you don’t offer professional value, you can still offer something to economically insecure countries,” Drucker told me. Volunteer opportunities exist in countries that welcome queer and trans people, such as Nicaragua and Bolivia.

She also stated that it is extremely difficult for LGBTQ+ Americans to seek asylum.

“Going [abroad] and hoping to get asylum status comes at great financial peril should that claim get rejected and you have to move back to the US,” she told me. “If you are going to move your life — a costly endeavor, of course — you might as well become as informed as possible how to do that with intention, on visas that you can qualify for, in countries that are safe.”

Many are taking a ‘wait and see’ approach

Mike Garda, a New York-based therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues, told me that he initially discussed moving with many of his patients. “I’ve observed a pretty steep decline in discussions about leaving the country, as folks have had more time to process, receive community care, and at times confront the reality of how difficult it would be to move abroad,” he told me.

After the initial shock subsided, Garda was able to shift the conversation to what his clients could control. “I helped many of my clients identify things they felt were possible to complete promptly and preemptively, such as name changes, gender marker designations and renewing passports,” he told me.

“I don’t think these conversations are over, and I expect that as we see new legislation roll out, folks will continue to mourn and look for a way to escape the pain of being marginalized and systematically oppressed.”

Even Garda admitted that he considered leaving, but ultimately decided it was not the right decision. “I believe it would be an incredible privilege to move to Europe and continue to work virtually with clients who do not have the same mobility. I believe now is the time for queer resistance, whether through activism, coalition-building, or simply existing as we are,” he said.

Many members of the queer community will have to wait and see what happens. “I would love to be wrong,” Gina told me. “I’d love to look foolish for taking our children abroad for a few months or years. Isn’t that the best-case scenario?

If you, like Gina, decide it’s time to go, Drucker is here to help. For those who cannot afford her fees, her Facebook group Queer Expats is an excellent place to connect and find useful resources. The group’s membership increased by the thousands in the days following the election. “If a whole community is feeling scared, then we need to take it pretty seriously,” she told me.

For the time being, my family is remaining in place and drawing strength from our community. I can’t imagine leaving my loved ones, even as I mourn the future I wanted for my children and the rights we’ll lose.

Every LGBTQ+ American is currently faced with a decision about how to stay safe, move forward, and embody our own queer resistance.

It’s fine if that resistance takes the form of moving abroad, participating in activism, or simply going about our daily lives. My dual citizenship is a safety net that I am grateful to have, but I am hoping that I will not need to use it for the time being.

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